Humans Are So Different on Valentine’s Day [HUMOUROUS LETTER]

I realised lately I never write humourous pieces. Of course, I think we all know I have the worst sense of humour (puns, satire, wordplay –you name it) but it’s still a genre I like writing sometimes. The following piece is a letter from an outwardly perspective, experiencing the human “Valentine’s Day” for the first time. I hope you enjoy it! ūüėÄ

***

Sir Martian Master (I am so uncreative),

I landed my spaceship today on a helicopter landing, today. The last time I did this, the witness screamed and called authorities to drag me into a zoo. It was a tiring procedure, as you may recall, and I had to convince the officer it was early Halloween spirit, and I simply went too far. Even to this day, I have no idea how/why they bought this excuse. It remains a mystery. But, alas, I was released back into society, only to return back to Zyglobia.

This time, however, a man witnessed me within the first ten seconds. I held my tentacles, as a nervous habit of mine, and awaited the worst. To my surprise, he didn’t demand me to be locked down; instead, he asked me which tie suited him better. He didn’t glance twice at my green tentacles. My oversized eyes –compared to the minute ones of an average human– went unnoticed. With excessive sweating, and hardly a closer observation, he blubbered about needing to look good on a date.

It wasn’t the time or place to tell him his skin was too un-green to be considered beautiful, or that his nose wasn’t slobbery enough, so I kept my mouth shut. Oh, but it was difficult nodding along, pretending his face didn’t repel me. Humans. These poor, ugly creatures. I told him his tie looked fine, and that the box of chocolate –a brown, heart-shaped wrapper that I’ve never heard of until then– looked wonderful. He looked relieved. Then, finally, he waved at me before running away with jagged, uneven steps.

Then, as if finally realising his encounter with a non-human, he turned around with spaceship-sized eyes and a hollow mouth. But by then, I had already gone. I shook my head the entire trip to my next destination: Brisbane city. I intended to collect evidence on what humans mean –of what this so-called “Valentine’s Day” means– when I stumbled across a little boy, arms outstretched, and the words, “Free Hugs on Valentine’s Day!” swaying on the street.

To my surprise, absolute strangers snuggled to the miniature figure, other girls his age “high-fived” (another oddity of the human nature; it was something I learnt in Introduction to Earth 101) him, trying not to catch an imaginary disease. The boy could not have been more than five years old. When he ran across the footpath and cuddled a tall, droopy-eyed woman in a business attire, and she burst out in tears of happiness, I felt something in my mid-section. It may have been what humans call “emotions,” or it may have been the bad space-orbit-cereal I consumed last night –we may never know.

“My husband and I just got a divorce, and this has been so hard on me. And it’s Valentine’s day, and he always bought me flowers –blue forget-me-nots, because they were my favourite… and… and… I needed that,” I heard her say, to the little boy. He smiles up at her. “Thank you,” she finished, ruffling his hair before speeding through the concrete. In a blink of an eye, she and her bulky suitcase was out of sight. The little boy roamed the street of Brisbane City, offering anybody who’d stop a boost on this deary day. He didn’t leave until sunset.

After seeing two different scenarios, my final verdict is this: I have never seen humans in their most pathetic form, unaware of their surroundings, and so utterly self-absorbed. Simultaneously, I have never witnessed anything so strangely heart-warming (and I don’t even have a heart)

I know this whole procedure is still under consideration, and not yet confirmed, but I have a statement to make: if we ever invade, let it be on Valentine’s Day. Humans are at their weakest on this day. Plus, they have nice balloons on sale.

Sincerely,

Alien Student 231

***

OTHER REACTIONS TO VALENTINE’S DAY:

  1. We’ve all been raised by evil love stories | The Nameless One
  2. More than a feeling | How to Play House
  3. Valentine’s Day Runaway | Tish Farrell
  4. The Valentine | Stories From My Mind
  5. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | The Ageless Dummy
  6. Remember Me | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  7. Happy Valentine’s Day! | How to write a memo
  8. Mary May and the Valentine Time Ship | Words Darling
  9. A Valentine’s Story | themiracleisaroundthecorner
  10. Can a fallopian tube ever bust or break? | classygallie
  11. The Valentine That Never Was | Polymathically
  12. Love ‚Äď It‚Äôs What You Claim You Deserve | living my life
  13. My funny Valentine | Where is my mind?
  14. Happy Flipping Valentine’s Day | thisblogisepic
  15. My Valentine – Ramblings from the Swamp
  16. Lovely Friday | asweetbrightthing
  17. A Heart Like No Other | Tell It Slant Mama
  18. Weekly Writing Challenge ‚Äď My Funny Valentine | Joe’s Musings
  19. With This Ring-Ring‚Ķ | Charron’s Chatter
  20. Stinky Thing : My Love Note from Paris | a contract
  21. VALENTINE‚ÄôS DAY IS OVERRATED | DANDELION’S DEN
  22. My Snowy, Pot-Smoking, Olympics-Watching Valentine | bethanyah
  23. Valentine’s Day: Good for the Heart | krstokely
  24. The Valentines card I’ll never send | Desperately Seeking Stacey
  25. Valentine‚Äôs Day and Afternoon Delight | Rachel’s Table
  26. Weekly Writing Challenge: Valentine | The Day After
  27. A letter- to My Valentine | Emovere
  28. ‚ÄúPencilgate‚ÄĚ: My Funny Valentine | Pinstripes&Lipgloss
  29. My Mother Once Told Me… | An Upturned Soul
  30. A Valentine From A Dog | Sarah’s Typos
  31. Love is nicer the second time around? | Tales of a slightly stressed Mother!
  32. The 14th of February 1951 ‚Äď Blacksburg, Virginia | Forgotten Correspondance
  33. It’s Because I Love You, That I Don’t Stab You In Your Beautiful Eyes. Happy Valentine’s Day Dear. | W.T.F.
  34. Autumn’s Return | Lillie-Put
  35. Happy 3rd Birthday! | Sentiments of a Working Mom | Another Mommy Blog
  36. Weekly Writing Challenge: Valentine | medicinalmeadows
  37. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | Reinventing the We’ll
  38. St. Valentine‚Äôs Day ¬ę Mama Bear Musings
  39. My Deaf Words | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  40. What to write in a Valentine card | writemybrainsout
  41. The Letter [Weekly Writing Challenge] | Thoughts from Elysium
  42. Help! My Valentine Smells like Poop! | Love, Support, Educate, Advocate, Accept…
  43. What if Cupid was pissed? | Okay, What if ?
  44. Too Much Heaven | Chasing the Stars
  45. Valentine‚Äôs Day Haters‚Äô Club ‚Äď Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge | Waiting on a Word
  46. Valentine‚Äôs Day Haters‚Äô Club ‚Äď Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge | Waiting on a Word
  47. The Valentine‚Äôs Day Card | Life’s Unfiltered Ramblings
  48. Words for Nancy | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
  49. An Open Letter to Valentine’s Day | meg lago
  50. The Joy of Books ‚Äď A Guide for the Valentine‚Äôs Day Escape Artist | aliabbasali
  51. The Gift of a Heart for Valentine’s Day | Busy Mind Thinking
  52. Valentines day: do we really need it? | BIGMOUTH STRIKES AGAIN.
  53. Cupid’s Arrow | The View from My Corner of the World
  54. From the Rooftops: A Love Letter | Laceys Leave of Absence
  55. My first blind date ‚Äď Valentine‚Äôs Dance at Mt. St. Gertrude | Creating a New Life
  56. A Gift for Husbands: Respect | Amazed By Grace
  57. Cleaning Up On Valentines | The Chatter Blog
  58. When It Was Okay To Like Valentine‚Äôs Day: A Story About A Holiday, Relationships, and Interacting With the Opposite Sex | Eyes Through The Glass ‚Äď A Blog About Asperger’s
  59. my funny valentine ‚Äď or my moment near midnight ¬ę on the art of happiness
  60. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | eyes like glass
  61. February 14th, 2007 | Grilled Cheese (& Other Things That Make My World Go ‘Round)
  62. Flower woes: V-Day | Faith, Magic, Life
  63. Where’s my freaking Valentine? | mummy flying solo
  64. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Valentine’s Story | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  65. Writing Challenge: My Valentine | immerseindifferences
  66. A Present for the Other Guy | Stealing All the Sevens
  67. A Valentine‚Äôs Letter for the Person I‚Äôve Never Met | MAGGIE’S BLOG
  68. Suicide no. 25: Remember the Valentines | derekalanwilkinson
  69. We were in love. And then everything changed forever. | soulfoood
  70. Nude drawing ‚Äď Weekly Writing Challenge ‚Äď Funny Valentine | alienorajt
  71. A lesson for my love. | jenny’s lark
  72. Why buy a whole pig, when all you want is a bit of sausage?! | 101 Challenges in 1001 Days
  73. I am not a slutty hugger | jenneralizing
  74. A Valentines Story |
  75. How to Propose Marriage by Bike | birgerbird
  76. Valentine’s Day Blows: Death to Cupid | marissabergen602
  77. 10 Gifts I Gave & Received: Love or Something Close Enough, Once Upon a Time | Kosher Adobo
  78. The Fall of Love | Blue Loft
  79. What about Valentine’s Day? | IvyMosquito
  80. 20 Things to Tell My Son About Love | Stiletto Momma
  81. Hope | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  82. “It’s something… | mariestephensgardening
  83. Valentine’s Day and Yellow Bells | inkblots & blood clots
  84. Rapture | MightWar
  85. The Valentine’s Day blues | Insidethelifeofmoi
  86. How Do You Approach Valentine’s Day? | Pending Questions
  87. Curiosity is My True Love…(wp weekly challenge) | Daily Observations
  88. The Silent Musing | Living in the Moment
  89. Two Valentines day stories….Thank God that love conquers all | Let me tell U a story
  90. A Cynical Cook’s View of Valentine’s Day | Corned Beef Hashtag
  91. Love in the times of Parenting | The Indian Mom
  92. Future generations of lovers | Busy Mind Thinking
  93. Letters to You | Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | Being a Huntress
  94. My Valentine’s Day Wedding (That Never Happened) | Rose Red Stories
  95. Qu√© es eso de Valentine¬īs Day? | Of love, life and such magic
  96. MAY I HAVE A TALK WITH YOU ON VALENTINE’S EVE? | Words We Women Write
  97. In Other Words | scottishmomus
  98. My (not-so-funny) Valentine: Weekly Writing Challenge | Blogizing
  99. No flowers for me, thanks! | Tattered Stamp
  100. My Funny Valentine: Weekly Writing Challenge | Blogizing
  101. Love pirates | fifty5words
  102. Feminism and Flowers: My Bitter Take on Valentine’s Day! | Abstractions of Life
  103. Playing Chicken: Who Says ‚ÄėI Love You‚Äô First? | Kosher Adobo
  104. My Funny Valentine…? | Garden Variety Neurosis Redux
  105. Black Valentine | Writings of The Midnight Thief
  106. My Sweet Valentines | What I’ve Learned For Now
  107. My Crazy Valentine | I am S(t)ri…
  108. Better lucky than smart | Quod Ero Spero
  109. Singles Awareness Day? | That One Nerdy Chick
  110. The ‚ÄúV‚ÄĚ Word | Wenrich Family Adoption: Becoming a Family of 4
  111. Beading Saves the Day on the Eve of Valentine’s Day | Running Brook Reflections
  112. Unashamed Love | Lightning Bug
  113. My Funny Valentine … The Movie | Life with Tess
  114. List of Sneaky Ways to Find Out If You Really Know Someone! | Once Upon Your Prime. . .
  115. Valentines Day?!? | freepositive
  116. Happy Half-Birthday | aNadventures
  117. Worst Valentine’s Day Ever | Sunday Epidemic
  118. My Funny Valentine (Weekly Writing Challenge) | jennsmidlifecrisis
  119. Happy Valentine’s Day! (also Fiesta Friday #3) | The Novice Gardener
  120. Here Is Love. | andthatgotmethinking
  121. Wellentyme’s Day | Repressd
  122. The Valentine’s Dilemma | Musical Foodie Love
  123. Single Heart Liberation Day | Green Embers
  124. The 18th of February 1945 ‚Äď Bastogne, Belgium | Forgotten Correspondance
  125. I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  126. MY FAIR LADY ‚Äď GARRY ARMSTRONG | SERENDIPITY
  127. A Journey of Ten Years | A mom’s blog
  128. Daily Prompt: Unconventional Love ‚Äď Strangely True | SERENDIPITY
  129. MY STRANGELY WONDERFUL ROMANCE | SERENDIPITY
  130. My Funny Valentine | Vampire Maman
  131. Hallmark holiday | Mindful Digressions
  132. False Expectations | snapshotsofawanderingheart
  133. Playlist | Perceptive Pot Clueless Kettle
  134. Fragrant valentine | The Seminary of Praying Mantis
  135. Valentine’s Day Can’t Insult My Intelligence if There’s Snow | Bumblepuppies
  136. Love Surrounds You | ReFreshing Life
  137. Lessons from the Ghosts of Valentines Past | The Femindiary
  138. Day 25: Why I Married a Man who got me a Hairdryer for Valentine’s Day | The Ravenously Disappearing Woman
  139. Validation Day ‚Äď Valentine‚Äôs Day from an Honest Woman‚Äôs Perspective | Shoot the messenger
  140. Weekly Writing Challenge| Single Awareness Day | Amy (and The Teddy With Sunglasses)
  141. my first valentine | Musings of a Random Mind
  142. Afraid of Valentine‚Äôs Day? | Myammy! Moving in together at 50…
  143. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine. It’s Not Always FUNny. | Tales from the Motherland
  144. I‚Äôve been alone for a long time | “The Ish,” presented by the Bohemian Rock Star
  145. Ah Bloody Valentines! | The life of T
  146. Brief facts on Valentines day/Weekly Writing challenge | standinginthestorm
  147. Weekly Writing Challenge ‚Äď Valentine ‚Äď The Hopeless Unromantic |
  148. I Should Have At Least Called | Sam’s Online Journal
  149. Ode to My Valentine | DCTdesigns Creative Canvas
  150. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | imagination
  151. Not Your Average Valentine | The Short Pages
  152. My Funny Valentine: Monday Monster Mashup meets the Weekly Writing Challenge! | jak & Cimmy’s Journal Jar
  153. (Un)Funny Valentine ‚Äď Daily Post ‚ÄúMy Funny Valentine?‚ÄĚ Challenge 2/10/2014 | blogged artistry
  154. To My Valentine… | Babbleogue
  155. Love of Many Shoes | Mary J Melange
  156. Valentine, Part Two/DP Challenge | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  157. It’s Valentine’s Day! | TNT
  158. St. Hallmark Day Doth Approach | The Eclectic Poet
  159. Valentine’s Day…some wifely advice
  160. The Boy I Married | East Meets Breast
  161. The Valentine’s Letter I wished I’d sent…. | Brownies, Pixies & Horny Toads
  162. [WWC] Valentine’s day | Reatividades
  163. My Funny Valentine? | “Crone-ing”
  164. My Forever Crush | My Weigh To Lose
  165. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? ‚Äď Love, Love, Love | SA:ME (žā¨Ž©Ē)
  166. A STRANGELY WONDERFUL ROMANCE | SERENDIPITY
  167. Last Minute Expressions of Love | Moments for the journey
  168. The Good Wife | Cabin Pressure May Change
  169. Weekly Writing Challenge-Love As An Earthling- A Comedy | The Lyons Den
  170. We Will Review The Cows! | Not the Family Business!
  171. Preparing for My First Real Valentine’s Day | Lilly Lane
  172. Get your lovin’ on | why i left my job
  173. VISITAS Y PAISES | palabrasdecielo.wordpress.com
  174. ¬Ľ Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | Chiquitita
  175. DAILY POST: Weekly Writing Challenge | the story of my life
  176. Love Yourself | thenaturalprofessor
  177. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine | No Apologies
  178. Ghost Forest | litadoolan
  179. And I came from nowhere like you and your friend: My Funny Valentine | D Lonely Stoner
  180. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? ¬ę cognitive reflection
  181. Weekly Writing Challenge: Valentine Memories | Reflections and Nightmares- Irene A Waters (writer and memoirist)
  182. The Kiss | the intrinsickness
  183. My Valentine’s Day Castle | DragonReader
  184. Valentine’s Day Terror and Love in Fiction | Creative Mysteries
  185. Surviving Valentine’s Day: A Guide For Us Single Ladies | Busy Mind Thinking
  186. Valentine Flip-Flop | Fish Of Gold
  187. Valentine’s Day: Role Reversal | Busy Mind Thinking
  188. ‚̧ Valentines Day <3: Not My Forte | A Maniac’s Menagerie of Motley Thoughts
  189. With or Without a Lover, This Valentine‚Äôs Day Is Yours! | Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride
  190. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | An Easie Peasie Journal
  191. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine? | MARGARET ROSE STRINGER
  192. Another Challenge | gingerninja2013’s Blog
  193. The Valentine’s Day Struggle | Minaa B.
  194. Movies for Singles on Valentine’s Day | aliewsMuses
  195. Ishq Kar Le ‚Äď Come fall in love | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  196. Roz ‚Äď Everyday | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  197. Tere Ishq ki Rehmat ‚Äď Blessings of your Love | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  198. The Sunshine Girl in the Sunset | FILMS | FOOD | POETRY
  199. Weekly Writing Challenge: Hearts that are Puzzled | wateringcanblog
  200. My funny valentine | Claud’s Ramblings
  201. ‚ÄúBe Mine‚ÄĚ writing-challenge-valentine #poetry #valentine‚Äôsday | Moondustwriter’s Blog
  202. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine?…Sure | Pop-Culture-Referenced
  203. A Confused Valentine’s Day Visitor by P.S. Joshi | Musings on Life & Experience
  204. On Just How Much You Love Your Dogs | Notes by Natalie
  205. My scary valentine- weekly writing challenge | A picture is worth 1000 words
  206. Weekly Writing Challenge: My Fuzzy Valentine | Life of A Fallen Angel
  207. An Open Letter to My Valentine | Elements of Thought
  208. Where Love is Made | Winding Road
  209. My (not so) Funny Valentines! | melissuhhsmiles
  210. A toast to St. Valentine | scottjkaniewski
  211. Birthday vs Valentine Day | Eva Marasca
  212. Weekly Writing Challenge ‚Äď Valentine‚Äôs Day! | Niki’s Thoughts
  213. Who you calling incompatible? | Be Inspired Be Inspiring
  214. At The Touch Of Commercialism, Everyone Becomes A Lover! | capsulecreations
  215. Old Friend | by LRose
  216. The Awkward First Date… On Valentines Day. | Relations 101
  217. Red flowers, fabulous gifts and the snow: Wait, we‚Äôre talking about Valentines? ¬ę Days Asleep, Nights Awake
  218. Now You See Me… | scandinique
  219. The Valentine Rebels | Suis ton coeur.
  220. within me lies our | y
  221. The Valentine I Had But Never Had | I am S(t)ri…
  222. How to spoil your girl on Valentine’s Day | My Food Odyssey
  223. My funny Valentine | If today was your last day
  224. To My Valentine | Finale to an Entrance

 

7 thoughts on “Humans Are So Different on Valentine’s Day [HUMOUROUS LETTER]

  1. The funniest part was I went to a SF/fantasy/gaming convention with my little family, and some of the teens and young adults were passing out free hugs and free high-fives.

    Ha ha hee ūüôā Small world. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    • Wow, what a small world indeed! ūüėÄ That’s the coolest thing I’ve heard all morning –I kind of thought the story itself was made-up. I never imagined it to be (or close to) a real-life situation.
      And you’re welcome! You have a lovely blog. ūüôā

      • Thank you again. It’s very much a real story– from what I could tell, some of it was an amusing mating ritual, so to speak… I overheard them saying things that seemed to suggest they wanted romantic attention:

        “I told a guy he was so cute… he said, ‘no, you’re cuter!”

        “I can’t believe it– I was rejected!”

        Something else that was pretty awesome was a group of girls that were dressed up as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They passed out Valentines to anyone that noticed their costumes. Both my daughter and I got one each ūüôā

      • You have an amazing memory of dialogue! I tend to forget it the minute I hear it. Also, the romantic attention, although worthy of an eyeroll, is probably accurate for the age-group. xD Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?! I think that’s so cool –especially since they’re female, as I’d never expected that. Your Valentines’ Day sounds absolutely spectacular; I hope you and your daughter had a wonderful time! ^_^

      • Geek/nerd society is starting to get more accepting of women. There were lots of young women at this con, actually. That makes me happy, because I married a geeky woman. And then, she gave me a daughter who is proud to carry on the tradition ūüôā

        We all had an excellent time– even my son. We definitely plan to return as a family next year.

Leave a comment! They make my day. ‚ô•

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s