I’m unsure what inclined me to write this post. Some would consider the construction of this post exceptionally unusual, as throughout the entire day, I’ve extremely emotionally stable people in an otherwise emotion-charged day.
You see, the Seniors of 2015 graduated today. There are inevitably mixed feelings, but for me, 90% utter bliss and 10% emotional neutrality, in an almost contradictory manner to the tear-stained cheeks, sniffling noses and agonised goodbyes…
…No, I’m not tearing up thinking about other people being sad. Ludicrous. It’s simply my allergies, acting up amidst this warm summer’s evening… (a month renowned for its lack of associated allergies and illnesses, but please, allow me to revel in this excuse. I just graduated, okay?)
There are a couple of things I noticed –a common trend in the mindset of those around me– and it’s mostly a fear of the future, and thus a stronger attachment to the past. Several lovely people insisted that we meet up, despite merely knowing me on the superficial level small-talk can allow, and… I suppose, I understand. To leave behind such a large part of yourself, of the people you regularly interacted with… you want to grasp onto these memories, these personalities, this level of comfort so desperately.
Let go. The people who need to be, will be. You cannot force friendship, relationships, nor can sudden, impromptu parties with people you have never interacted with outside small-talk. While that sounds incredibly blunt, let me phrase it another way: forgetting, not keeping in touch with, distancing, growing apart… it all serves to make you happier. The thirst of no longer fitting with old people, old memories and ideals will drive you to greater lengths to continue exploring the world, different people, different ideas… and when you find these people, after incessant searching, happiness will follow.
Real friendship is extremely rare. And if you haven’t found it, don’t despair –keep you heart open. Keep searching. And don’t be afraid to distance yourself, should the situation ask for it.
Perhaps these events are a breeze, to me, because I am… intrinsically constant. To quote my favourite poet, Warsen Shire, “I belong deeply to myself.” I am blessed for everything good in my life –my family, friends, all the amazing people I’ve met throughout high-school– but in the end, they are simply a blessing, not constant nor permanent. I am my own constant; I belong deeply, irrevocably and solely to myself.
Actually, honestly, quite frankly, I’m extremely tired and this post serves no greater purpose besides a preservation of my graduation, of my time at high school, before my life becomes a rollercoaster without an allocated driver. My expression is terrible –please forgive me, and I appreciate anyone attempting to make meaning from these nonsensical words.
As for future plans, I’m pursuing either law or psychology, but I’m unsure which, if not both. My future is uncertain, and so is the rest of my life. But recently, I’ve learnt… it’s okay. It’s okay to be uncertain, no matter what stage you’re in.
And I have made astoundingly genuine friends, who have indescribably beautiful souls. We may lose touch, but they are the ones I’ll count on in difficult times, and the ones who I’ll never forget. And I can’t wait to see what they decide to pursue with their lives, their journeys, their challenges, their battles, their successes… all at the 10 year reunion. And the 20. And the 30. 🙂
Good night, all. I’m falling asleep at my keyboard, but best of wishes to the graduating class of 2015! It has been a privilege and a pleasure. But mostly, a present. (ba dum tss. I’m sure there’s a pun there. Dig deeper).